Random Jokes of the Day
| Humor contained herein does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of certain people with bugs up their asses. |
| A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go ... A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping." A priest, Jesus, and an old man tee off. ... A priest, Jesus, and an old man tee off.The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole.Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole.The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Play fair dad!" A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. ... A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest."Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During world war II, I hid a refugee in my attic.""Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed.""I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.""Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question.""What is that, my son?""Do I have to tell him the war is over?" What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking? What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?Slow down and use a lubricant. A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the ... A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!" Adam and Eve were the happiest and luckiest couple in the world. ... Adam and Eve were the happiest and luckiest couple in the world.Neither of them had a mother-in-law! A little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too ... A little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too little too understand anything like that. The girl and boy ask each other: "What's that?" and they both reply: "I'll ask my parents."So the boy goes home and asks his dad what it is. The dad looks solemnly at him and says: "Son, that's your car. You park it in a girls garage."The girl goes home and says: "what's that?" The mother says: "That's your garage. dont let any boy park his car in it."The next day they are again in the tub. The boy says its a car and remembers what his dad said. So he begins to put it in the girls "garage". But then the girl remembers what her mom said.5 minutes later, the girl comes to the mom with blood all over her. The mother asks her what was wrong and she said: "Mommy, a boy tried to put his car in my garage, but I popped his two back tires." What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?Not enough sand. The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest ... The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on', and "I understand. How did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things.The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No s**t?!? What happened next?" Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the ... Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!" |
