WHAT IF NOAH BUILT THE ARK TODAY?
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months
I'm going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with
water and all the evil things are destroyed."
The Lord continued, "But, I want to save a few good people
and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you
to build an ark. Here are the specifications for the ark."
"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling
with the blueprints, "I'm your man."
"Remember! Six months and it will start to rain,"
thundered the Lord. "You better have my ark completed or
learn to swim for a long, long time!"
Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain
began to fall in torrents.
The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping,
and there was no ark.
"Noah!!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?"
A lighting bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I
did my best, but there were some big problems. Let me explain.
First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction
and your plans did not meet the code. So, I had to hire an engineer
to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him
about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."
"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating
zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard. So,
I had to get a variance from the city's planning board."
"Now, then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for
the ark because
there was a ban on cutting trees in order to save the spotted
owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the US Fish
and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls,
but they wouldn't let me catch them. So, no owls."
"Next, when I started gathering up the animals, I got
sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along
only two of each kind. Just when the suit got dismissed, the
Environmental Protection Agency notified me that I couldn't
complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement
on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea
that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme
Being. They told me that if they couldn't see it, it didn't
"Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed
flood plan. I sent them a globe. They didn't think that was
"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with
the Equal Opportunity Commission and the Civil Rights Commission
over the number of minorities I'm supposed to hire."
"The Internal Revenue Service has seized all my assets
claiming that I am trying to leave the country without a passport
and without processing all the animals to make sure of no contagious
Also, I just got a notice from the state that I need an inspection
sticker, certificate of approval for water and land use, and
I must pay personal property tax before I can get a license.
You know, Lord, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than
With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up and smile, "You mean you are not going
to destroy the world, Lord?" he asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord, "the government has beaten
me to it."
Submitted by Terry & Glen