TO BE A LIBERAL
To be a bona-fide card-carrying liberal, there are certain beliefs you must
You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.
You have to believe that the same overpaid public school idiot who
can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.
You have to believe there was no art before federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the sun, and more affected by yuppies
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay is
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but pasty,
loony activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ channels can't
deliver the quality that PBS does.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because they stand up for certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for
certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria
Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General
Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't.
You have to believe conservatives are racists, but black people
couldn't make it without your help.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
SUBMITTED BY BRAD ALLEN - AUTHOR UNKNOWN