Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
Hand sew 365 quilts, each using 365 material squares I weaved myself used to represent the 365 days of the year. Donate to local orphanages.
Release flock of white doves, each individually decorated with olive branches, to signify desire of world peace.
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.