Office Memo: Foul Language

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated! The management does however realize the importance of each person being able to express their feelings when communicating with their fellow workers.

Therefore, management has compiled the following coded list. It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize the coded phrase so the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.

New Phrase: I'm not certain that's feasible
Old Phrase: No f***ing way.

New Phrase: Really?
Old Phrase: You've got to be shiting me.

New Phrase: Perhaps you should check with...[Insert name here]
Old Phrase: Tell someone who gives a rat's ass.

New Phrase: Of course I'm concerned.
Old Phrase: Ask me if I give a shit.

New Phrase: I was not involved with that project.
Old Phrase: It's not my f***ing problem.

New Phrase: Interesting behavior...
Old Phrase: What the hell?

New Phrase: Perhaps I can work late.
Old Phrase: When the f*** do they expect me to do this.

New Phrase: He's not familiar with this problem.
Old Phrase: He's got his head up his ass.

New Phrase: You don't say.
Old Phrase: Eat shit.

New Phrase: Excuse me?
Old Phrase: Eat shit and die.

New Phrase: Excuse me, sir?
Old Phrase: Eat shit and die, mother f**ker.

New Phrase: They weren't happy with it?
Old Phrase: What the f*** do they want from me.

New Phrase: So you would like some help?
Old Phrase: Kiss my ass.

New Phrase: I love a challenge:
Old Phrase: This job sucks.

New Phrase: You want me to take care of this?
Old Phrase: Who died and left you boss?

New Phrase: I see..
Old Phrase: Blow me.