The Death of Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name
of Common Sense. Common sense lived a long life but died from heart failure
at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since
his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power
over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons
as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm,
and life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational
trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and new math.
But his health declined when he became infected with the If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it
bug. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages
of overbearing federal regulation. He watched in pain as good people became
ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly
deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies,
reports of six year old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing
a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch,
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even
further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin
to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant
or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from
Boy Scouts to professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos,
low-flow toilets, smart guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory
Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior
furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his
last. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.