Subject: Bush's acceptance speech (first draft)
My fellow Americans, it's about f---ing time. All you
liberals can just kiss my big, white Texas ass if you think I'm gonna
spew a boatload of bipartisan bullshit. Let's set the record straight
here. I won, dammit. Hell, I won FOUR OR FIVE TIMES! We got the Presidency,
we got Congress, and by the end of four years we'll have even more of
the Supreme Court. The Republicans are here, and we're gonna show you
how it's done.
Ya'll want me to reach across party lines now? How 'bout
I reach across and bitch-slap all your sorry-liberal-monkey- asses? How'dya
Don't get me wrong, here. The sense of satisfaction I'm
feeling right now isn't that I've won - it's that I won't have to listen
to Al Gore bitch and moan about "letting every vote count".
The only reason this went as far as it did is because you Democrats have
a playground crybaby as your poster-boy, and I for one am glad I won't
have to see him on TV anymore. This might sound snippy, Mr. Gore, but
as we used to say in the sandlot...LOSERS WALK!!!
As I said in my campaign, I promised to be a president
who focuses on education. My first task as President will be to start
an educational program for all you Floriduhh-idiots who can't tell your
elbow from your asshole or how to poke a stylus through the right hole.
I don't get you liberal Democrats: when we're talking
about Bill Clinton and some office whore, you say that lack of penetration
doesn't count; but when it comes to ballots, lack of penetration DOES
You want a solution to this problem? Take some Viagra, you old farts,
and finish what you started next election. Until then, I want to ask you
just one question: "Who's yer daddy???"
And so I humbly accept the office of President of these United States.