The Top 15 Entries on Bobby Knight's Resume

15. Education: Graduated Magna Cum Laude from the Woody Hayes School of Anger Management

14. 1963 NCAA chair-put champion

13. Inducted along with Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor into the Cursing Hall of Fame, August 1992

12. Best-selling author of "Coaches Who Hate Players and Fans, and the Players and Fans Who Love Them."

11. Chairman, Campaign to Rid the World of Decaffeinated Coffee, 1988-present

10. Personal references: Latrell Spreewell, Sean Penn, Mike Tyson, Jack Nicholson, O.J. Simpson

9. Position Sought: Head Basketball Coach at the major university level, for a school that values character, academic success and winning, and doesn't get all pissy about a little chair throwing, student choking, cop punching, profanity screaming or rule flaunting, because, frankly, I got enough of that shit at my last job. Ya hear me?

8. Courtside Folding Chair Feng Shui Coordinator, 1961 - present

7. Graciously declined invitation to become a full-time resident of the Puerto Rican penal system in 1979.

6. Developed such advanced medical techniques as "Secondary Anus Creation" and "Spontaneous Decapitation to Assist in Esophageal Feces Insertion."

5. Co-CEO, Knight/Rocker Sports Public Relations, Inc.

4. Proactively established results-oriented Poo-Based Motivation Therapy program for youngsters.

3. Debate Team Captain, 1954, Our Lady of Cascading Profanity High School

2. 1984-1987: Pounded stuff with my fists!! Pounded, pounded, pounded!!!

1. Heart donor, 1981.